A healthy baby isn't ALL that matters?

23 Jul

Did your childbirth experience traumatise you? And what can you do about it…

I went into labour feeling like I’d done my prep. I’d done the hypno-birthing course, I’d gone to pregnancy yoga, I’d attended NCT, I’d read all the books. But nothing really can prepare you for the unpredictable and unexpected way birth can unfold, and the residue it can leave behind.

I thought the numb, empty, isolated feelings I had for months, as I wondered the streets of Brighton with baby number one in the buggy was normal and I just had to get on with it. I had no idea I was suffering from a constant low, anxiety and loneliness which today would be easily diagnosed as a form of Postnatal Depression.

I guess you could call this common, as 10-15 out of every 100 women will have Postnatal Depression and 1 in 3 will experience birth trauma, but it isn’t normal and it’s an indication of a break in society. 1 in 500 people experience postpartum psychosis which is a very serious mental health illness which can become evident without many warning signs. And of course, it’s not only the mothers we are talking about, all this can effect the fathers and partners too.

With baby number two for me, it was less about the birth experience and more about the after care as we spent several weeks in Neonatal Intensive Care (NICU) when our daughter arrived a month early. What a total shock! Everyone said babies are usually late. It was like being in a dream, I was a ghost of myself, not really present. In hindsight, I can see now how I had disassociated as a coping strategy. From the outside looking in at me, you’d have said, "she’s doing so well” but on the inside I was crumbling and very nearly lost it altogether.

Let’s face it, giving birth and the huge adjustment that brings is a massive life milestone; it’s not called a rite of passage for nothing! What’s really great now is the increased awareness about all this, from when I had my first little ones around 10 and 15 years ago respectively to now, has been huge. There has been a tsunami sized wave of work in the wellness and mental health fields; which everyone involved should be really incredibly proud of. We understand more about trauma now. Whilst it can be a actual traumatic experience, it doesn’t have to be; instead it can be quite a subtle experience that can leave a person traumatised none the less.

Many practitioners in the birthing world are learning about trauma informed ways of delivering education and support in advance of going into the birthing space, as well as those that hold the space through delivery and there’s much more understanding about what can we do postnatally to help pick up the pieces.

A lot can be said for providing spaces where people can talk and be supported; where they can experience connection and be truly seen, heard and acknowledged in their unique experiences and personal journey. And we need more spaces like this in every community across the country. We still have a long way to go and I’m passionate about being part of the conversation and the change; hence why I created LushTums!

I’d say to anyone reading this, if you are feeling traumatised by your birth experiences - whenever that was for you - you are not alone. If you are experiencing flash backs, anxiety, catastrophizing or hyper vigilance, if you have trouble sleeping or relaxing, experience panic attacks or OCD for example, just reach out. There are amazing organisations and experienced therapists out there offering spaces and support to help you. As Gabor Mate, once said, "It seems that the more traumatised we are, the more connection we need to help us heal." So reach out. We’ve got you. Together we are stronger.

Post by Clare Maddalena - LushTums Founder; with nearly 20 years and over 10,000 hours teaching experience in Pregnancy & Postnatal Yoga and Antenatal Education, UK.

www.lushtums.co.uk

Useful LInks for Birth Trauma - organisations to contact include: